Fauxbivalence lives on

Jezebel just posted Samhita Mukhopadhyay's "Ten Very Good Reasons You Aren’t Married Yet." The reasons that make sense are about why you're not in a relationship; the ones that don't presume a happy romantic relationship between two adults who could legally marry but are choosing not to do so. The latter are good pretexts for why you're not marrying someone it seems you ought to be marrying, if you think you could do better but aren't sure and are biding your time, or who knows.

One by one...

1. Yes, if you put your career first, and must be able to move halfway across the world at the drop of a hat, and do not have a waking moment to focus on the concerns of anyone but your employer, you should probably be single. But what you don't want to do is gratuitously perpetuate the stereotype that women (never men, just women) who are married have by definition dropped out of the career-not-just-a-job workforce. Married women who are also pursuing a career have to deal with enough grief about this as it is.

2. You haven't met someone you want to marry? This is an excellent reason not to get married. The implication that those who have married did so only by overlooking their spouses' major character flaws is a bit obnoxious, but the overall point is reasonable.

3. Not being able to afford a big wedding isn't a reason not to get married. It's entirely possible to go to City Hall. (Got the papers to prove it.)

4. You're waiting till everyone can get married? No you're not - you don't want to get married, and this is a convenient, noble-sounding excuse for cold feet. Dan Savage and his listeners covered this a while back.  If your actual concern is same-sex marriage, but you'd otherwise have a big ol' wedding, ask your guests for donations to Lambda Legal. (Just don't hold your bachelorette party at a gay bar.)

5. You're too much of a snowflake for marriage? We've already covered this. But I'll add: because marriage=/=wedding, you can perfectly well register your partnership with the state without going for any traditionalist trappings. Or (see 3) spending a lot of money.

6. "You've got a life and friends that you are happy with." The charming implication is that if you're in a relationship, it's because you're a loser. But there probably is some truth to the idea that if "you have 500 friends to call," you can give or take being in a romantic relationship, and that this will give potential partners a certain message about how much you'd need them in your life. Too much "need" is never good, and zero friends, zero going out, means you're not meeting people. But no "need" at all sends an I'd-rather-be-single message. Which is great if you do indeed want to be single. But it's not unheard of for a woman - or a man, but usually a woman - with a hyperactive social life to complain about being single. Sometimes these complaints are from the would-rather-be-singles, who feel social pressure to pretend otherwise. Sometimes not. 

7. "Monogamy just doesn't work for you." Yes, that's a good reason not to make a monogamous commitment. Savage, of course, would say that you can totally get married, as long as you're open about your tendencies. But given how many people are unexcited about monogamy until meeting someone they want to be monogamous with, this advice seems sound.

8. "You are sexually liberated." This one is also reasonable, if also phrased in unnecessarily insulting-to-the-coupled terms. It is irritating that a woman's desire for a dude/dudes is always interpreted as being the desire for a boyfriend or husband - sometimes a woman wants a dude for... other purposes. If you're at that stage of your life, or if that's just you, that is a fantastic reason not to get married.

9. "[Y]ou are dealing with your shit and getting ready to be in a serious long-term relationship." Good thinking.

10. "You legitimately just don't want to get married." Then don't! The justifications, though, are a whirl of snowflake nonsense: 

In fact, the idea of a wedding dress makes you break out into hives and you don't want a blood diamond, you think forever is bullshit and you have no interest in feeding into the romantic industrial complex. You have a hard time reconciling your politics with what you see as a deeply problematic institution. (Or, you're just an atheist.) 

Since when do you need to wear a wedding dress, a "blood diamond" or for that matter any diamond, or believe in a higher power, in order to get married? You can wear a burlap sack to City Hall, use a rubber band (or nothing at all!) as a ring, and ask for a moment of silence for Christopher Hitchens at your reception if you so choose.